Oh, Baby!

 

Many of you know that my husband and I each have four children. My husband has four sons, and I have two sons and two daughters. After his accident, his children were told that he was "faking" his injury. Three of his four boys blocked us out of their lives one by one. We've missed their weddings, buying their first houses, babies, and more than 13 years of memories. It's heartbreaking to imagine the pain and confusion my husband has experienced over the years.

Fast forward to last weekend. My four children and their spouses have been awaiting a baby. My oldest son and his wife have involved us along the way, making us feel like he's the first baby in the world. It's amazing to love someone so tiny in such a big way.

We hope the rest of our children return, and we'll get to know our other grandchildren one day. For today, we're happy with the gifts we've been given. 

Friendships

 

Do you ever think about your friendships? I'm talking about real, meaningful, adult friendships that make you feel like a little kid, deserving of fun and the un-seriousness of being grown up. They're amazing!

When my husband's accident reframed our lives, we each lost many friendships. People either didn't know how to handle what we were going through, didn't like who we were becoming, or didn't like our availability - or lack thereof - and couldn't adjust to what we were comfortable with and what we weren't. 

As the years have passed, my friendship circle has gotten smaller and smaller. In fact, the only friends I have left are those people I work with. Unfortunately, and sadly, even work friends have become so sparse that my husband and I joke that "work friends aren't real friends" because they never seem available outside of office hours and, frankly, some of them aren't people I'd invite over to my house for dinner. 

This year, one of my goals is to make some friends. This is so hard to do as an adult! My priorities for friend selection these days are people I feel safe with - and I feel safe that they will protect my husband as I do. They are fellow caregivers and people who had to figure out how to walk through hard things like I did. Like I do. 

Another priority is to nurture those friendships and to emphasize that they are important. In fact, friendships are high on the list of self-care. They rejuvenate; they connect; they help us identify with people who know our pain and struggles.

Friendship is the language that says, "I appreciate you" and "I want to connect with you, too." 

My husband and I had brunch this morning with a new friend and her husband. I feel giddy! It was so nice to not explain why we needed a corner or an edge - someplace quiet in the restaurant. I could speak honestly about our experiences without feeling judged. When a faux pas happened - as they do and did - we laughed. We laughed every single time.

The feeling of friendship is like having a family member who brings unconditional love and acceptance. I like having a friend. I think I'll do it more often. 100% recommend.